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meridian_roseAnother writing about writing post as procrastination. I've got Yuletide to do and H/C bingo is due the end of the month and I've done hardly anything yet. This is in contrast to my November productivity – I may have to instigate the Tumblr ban again. No tumbling until I've written something D:
I really do need to start something fresh soon if only to shake the 'fic hangover' that I want to talk about. I really want people to comment and say 'yes, yes, I understand', so let me explain this concept and then you can agree. Or not – that's okay too :D
You've been involved writing a fic; maybe it's a long fic/multi chapter epic, or just a really intense fic. Maybe it's a dissertation – the first time I encountered this phenomenon was just after finishing university – or a thesis. Maybe it's a legal brief or a project proposal. Whatever the document, you've put a lot of time and research into it, but it's done with now. It's been posted at your journal, handed in to the faculty administrators, been sent to the client, whatever is appropriate.
But you can't let go. You find yourself still thinking about it, when you go to bed, or wake up, or while you're in the shower. 'What if I got this fact wrong?' and 'What if I just change this line?' and in creative works, 'What if the ending was this instead? Or if I expanded on that part in the middle?'.
Since posting my two recent long fics I've felt like this. And it really hasn't got anything to do with the quality of the finished products so much as my inability to let go, to stop wanting perfection, to start something new.
I really do need to start something fresh soon if only to shake the 'fic hangover' that I want to talk about. I really want people to comment and say 'yes, yes, I understand', so let me explain this concept and then you can agree. Or not – that's okay too :D
You've been involved writing a fic; maybe it's a long fic/multi chapter epic, or just a really intense fic. Maybe it's a dissertation – the first time I encountered this phenomenon was just after finishing university – or a thesis. Maybe it's a legal brief or a project proposal. Whatever the document, you've put a lot of time and research into it, but it's done with now. It's been posted at your journal, handed in to the faculty administrators, been sent to the client, whatever is appropriate.
But you can't let go. You find yourself still thinking about it, when you go to bed, or wake up, or while you're in the shower. 'What if I got this fact wrong?' and 'What if I just change this line?' and in creative works, 'What if the ending was this instead? Or if I expanded on that part in the middle?'.
Since posting my two recent long fics I've felt like this. And it really hasn't got anything to do with the quality of the finished products so much as my inability to let go, to stop wanting perfection, to start something new.
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Date: 2011-12-08 08:59 pm (UTC)So I sympathize. It's hard to work on new stuff when the old stuff still has a foothold on your muse. Best of luck shaking free and finishing Yuletide and H/C Bingo!
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Date: 2011-12-09 11:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-08 10:05 pm (UTC)I won't say this never happens to me, but I usually have the problem that I'm working on story A when the plotbunny for story B hits me with such force that I immediately have to work on story B, making it hard to finish anything.
Actually, the stories that bother me the most after the fact are the ones I feel aren't in character - it's so frustrating to think I've gotten that wrong somehow.
Good luck with Yuletide and H/C bingo :D Are you doing Rahlmas?
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Date: 2011-12-09 11:06 am (UTC)I honestly don't think I've come across anything of yours that seemed so OOC, given the circumstances of the fic, as to throw me out of the story. But that doesn't mean you don't feel that way, of course. As always, we are our own worst critics.
Rahlmas; Creator, give me inspiration! Both you and the comment above have reminded me of other things I need to do by the end of the month. So many projects :D I think I need to do Yuletide, since that's a gift fic, and then I can see where my inspiration lies :D And remind myself that getting worked up doesn't actually help - it just wastes time I could be writing, planning, editing, or doing graphics in.
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Date: 2011-12-09 02:08 pm (UTC)As always, we are our own worst critics. So true.
I understand about prioritizing, but I hope the Creator answers your prayers for inspiration ;D Holidays can be really good for that, I think ;)
And remind myself that getting worked up doesn't actually help - it just wastes time I could be writing, planning, editing, or doing graphics in. Hmmm...although I usually agree with this, nonetheless I'm a theatrical type, so sometimes I feel getting worked up does help - fueling the creative passion, maybe ;)
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Date: 2011-12-09 02:42 pm (UTC)I can't find a gif, but in the comedy show 'Black Books' Bill Bailey's character would get in a panic and when snapped at by the other major character as to what he was doing would reply 'I'm dancing in a panicky sort of way' :D And I have a feeling I've done this too. Now I can sometimes deliberately dance 'in a panicky way' and laugh at myself, releasing any tension :D
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Date: 2011-12-09 09:41 pm (UTC)(Also, I said I don't usually get a 'fic hangover' or freak out about posting, and now that's what I'm doing, with my Rahlmas project - I'm going to have to just take a deep breath and post ;D)
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Date: 2011-12-10 09:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 10:58 pm (UTC)Good think about fic, contrary to an article, dissertation, brief or project proposal that once submitted you 'kiss it goodbye', is that it's yours to re-visit, re-shape until you feel done with it, until you know there is nothing more to it.
I have to admit though that I'm not an expert in writing fic, but I have been writing a LOT be it during my undergrad or postgrad studies. I've loved the fact that as far as fic is concerned it's mine to re-visit as many times as I like, to withdraw and re-post, twist it and turn it without sweating over achieving perfection in a crashingly short period of time. Not to mention that sometimes is as simple as just relaxing into your fic, taking your time to close your eyes and look around through the eyes of a character. =D
*sigh*
Apologies if I sound harsh... it's not at all intentional.
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Date: 2011-12-11 10:03 am (UTC)This Merlin piece was important to me in terms of Morgana and her future and what that says about females with magic in contrast to what the show canon says. My dissertation, the last piece of work before graduation, and also on Magic and Media Representation, was important to me. There's a slight sense of 'did I do this important thing justice?' along with missing doing the work on it.
I think that's a very valid point, that with fic you can go back and re-do it, and that's why deadlines can be useful, or I might never finish anything 'enough' to post it. Because it will never be 'perfect'.
And to be honest, as a reader, if it was a year later and the author had made significant additions to the work, as sort of 'Director's Cut' I might read the fic again. But if someone is going to keep 'fiddling' with it, I'm not going to keep reading it. I've got a lot of fic available for me to read without re-reading something because the writer has decided to change the ending again.
And as a writer, it feels a bit rude, to the readers who have already reviewed it, to start making edits. So unless I'm fixing a really embarrassing spelling or grammar error, I don't edit fic once it is posted - which is another part of my posting anxiety, I suppose :D
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Date: 2011-12-11 10:37 am (UTC)I think George Lucas is a typical example of what you are talking about, he will just not let his Star Wars films go, remastered, new effects, added, new scenes, changing scenes etc etc. I just wish he would stop fiddling with them. Oh, just thought of the 'Butterfly Effect' there must be a point when the more you try to 'fix' it, the worse it gets.
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Date: 2011-12-11 11:14 am (UTC)As I was saying to Alana above, I think it's not just about the quality or it would happen more often. It's more about how important the work is to me, and how involved I was with it while writing it. And, as I said in the previous procrastinating by writing meta, I'm overcoming my fear of outlining now, so it's unlikely I will miss something important :D I suppose I want to make sure I've done the topic justice as much as anything.
The Butterfly Effect - oh, yes. That's a very real danger :D
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Date: 2011-12-12 02:20 am (UTC)While I've only written about 15 fics, on the whole I'm happy with all of them story-wise, and don't feel the need to go back and tinker with them as far as plot, characterization, or adding additional scenes, dialogue, etc.
That being said, it's really bothered me that I can't go back and edit "Serpent's Tooth". I don't want to change the story or add to it. Overall, I'm quite pleased with it, and happy with how I resolved the plot.
My problem is that it was, for all intents and purposes, my first fic, and now I cringe when I go back and see all of the punctuation errors in several of the chapters. I was literally re-learning writing 101 as I posted. (I still am in very much a learning mode, but I've gained some basic skills since then.)
My original intent, after I posted the last chapter in July, was to let my brain recover, and then 6-8 weeks later go back and edit each chapter, correcting all of my errors and inserting links between the chapters. But the LJ update that was released in August made editing anything in an old entry that was under an lj cut almost impossible. So I'm stuck with this story that on the whole I'm rather proud of, but which I know contains many grammatical mistakes that need to be corrected.
Rambling comment is long - sorry. It's just that this has been making me stressed since August.
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Date: 2011-12-12 04:48 pm (UTC)I wish I had good ideas for editing Serpent's Tooth - I know ff.net makes it almost impossible to bother editing after posting and that LJ still hasn't fixed all the bugs. The best I can come up with is making an edited version available as a downloadable document/pdf as a zip file from somewhere like Megaupload. And to suggest asking AO3 for a code and start hosting fics there too, since I've had less issues with their archive. Ditto for using Dreamwidth for fic and x-posting it to LJ.
You could also re-post later to your journal, lock the earlier entries and then repost a master list to the relevant comms.
On the other hand, I don't remember finding a lot of errors in the fic. And you know how I nitpick. I've stopped reading many fics, books and articles if there are too many errors - including, last week, 'a hansom man [sic]' which made me back button. So I know you, seeking perfection, as we all do, can see the errors now; but most readers will not see them. They certainly aren't going to be enough to stop the majority of people from reading further. So don't stress over it too much :D
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Date: 2011-12-12 09:12 pm (UTC)Back to the other point you made - about your emotional investment in a fic and going through a 'mourning period' when you've finished it. Have you considered re-visiting that world, or those characters, by writing another story set in that same universe rather than going back to the earleir fic?
That's what I've done with my other Reckoning AU in the Seeker-verse. It's more of a series of short stories rather than one long fic. I originally intended to only write one short story, but I became so fond of the AU that I've just kept adding stories, slowly aging the characters up. It might be a way to keep the emotional connection going, as well as to further develop certain themes or points that were a part of the earlier story.
It seems you've actually done this with several of your original fics.
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Date: 2011-12-12 09:41 pm (UTC)That's a good thought. Well my dissertation is finished, but I constantly mull over the theme of paganism and its representation in media, so I do get to revisit that, and I do have meta I want to write about it. And I did sketch out a rough outline for the sequel to 'A Glimpse of Avalon', something I've never done before, and which might mean I actually follow through with it.
Almost every original fic belongs to a 'novel', a whole world. I just never write the whole story arc. It's a terrible habit I have, of developing a basic story and some characters, and then just abandoning it later. I'm doing better to write more than one scene in a 'verse, and to actually post it anywhere :D It does pose a problem in terms of making all the scenes fit together later, but that's not something I need to worry about right now.
In fact, to get deep and philosophical about it, it's one of the three major life issues I think I have to deal with; faith/trust; patience; finishing things/follow through. I've even put off finishing reading some books because I hate finality. Finishing means letting go, I suppose, whereas you're suggesting the sensible thing of finding new ways to appreciate and/or engage with something :D