meridian_rose

For the trope_bingo prompt au: royalty/aristocracy/feudal; crack/bad!fic (664) with accompanying bad!art




The Earp Queen

"Why do I have to marry the creepy guy again?" Wynonna stomped along to the stables, her bodyguard Dolls sighing.

"You are the Earp heir. Marrying BoBo Del Rey will maintain the peace and prosperity of your kingdom," Dolls said.

"Kingdom," Wynonna scoffed. "I'm a queen. It should be a queendom or something."

Waverly and her bodyguard, Nicole were waiting for them. Waverly had tied extra ribbons to the horses' bridles. She gave Wynonna a tearful hug.

"Watch over the castle," Wynonna said. "I'll be back after the honeymoon. One month, that's all."

The arrangement specified that the queen should bear an heir and ought to stay until she had conceived but even BoBo De Rey might baulk at forcing himself on Wynonna.

Dolls and Wynonna rode in silence for a few miles.

"Is there no other way?"

"Your great-great grandfather made the peace pact. You marry BoBo or his army attacks Purgatory."

"Makes no sense," Wynonna grumbled. "What if BoBo was a girl? What if I was a boy? Would we have to get married then? There'd be no heir out of it. Won't be an heir here if I can help it."

Dolls let Wynonna ramble, tuning her out.

Near nightfall they made camp near a old well. Dolls let down the bucket.

"Ow!"

Wynonna peered down the well but it was too dark to see. "Is someone down there? Hello?"

A man climbed up the rope, clutching a sword. He bowed.

"Thank you for your assistance. I have been down the well a long time, cursed by the witch, Constance."

Wynonna scowled. "Isn't she BoBo's witch?"

"I believe so," Dolls said.

"Why can't I have a witch?"

"Because your great-great grandfather despised magic," Dolls said, with a sigh.

"Wyatt may have been a better king than most, but he was an uptight asshole."

This declaration caused the man from the well to eye her anew. "You are Wyatt Earp's descendant?"

"This is Queen Wynonna Earp," Dolls said.

The man bowed again. "I was a friend to Wyatt and I see the resemblance. Your majesty, John Henry Holliday at your service. Wyatt always called me Doc."

"How could you know Wyatt?" Wynonna asked.

"I have been down the well a very long time." Doc held out the sword. "This belongs to the rightful Earp heir."

Wynonna was pleased with the fine weapon.

"If you like you can come with us," Wynonna said. "Maybe you take revenge on Constance."

Dolls objected but soon they were all sat around the fire and Doc regaled them with tales of Wyatt that made Wynonna laugh in a most undignified fashion.

"It was supposed to be Willa," Wynonna said sadly, when Doc remarked on her lack of regal bearing. "So I grew up with more freedom. I learnt to handle a sword – so your gift will be useful to me. I played for hours in the woods. But Willa died on her way to marry BoBo and now it is my turn to fulfil the contract and wed him."

The next morning they reached BoBo's castle. He was waiting outside with his minions and Constance. Constance was furious when she saw Doc.

Wynonna drew her sword. "He's with me," she said. "And if anyone should be angry it's him. Why would you throw someone down a well?"

The sword glowed, mystical runes shining on the metal blade.

BoBo took a step backward.

"The sword kills demons," Doc said. "That is the true legacy of the Earps and how they rose to take the throne. BoBo is a demon as are his minions. Constance is mine."

Dolls drew his sword and he and Wynonna fought the demons. Only Wynonna's sword could kill them, but Dolls kept them back so she could take out one at a time.

Doc captured Constance, planning to put her down the well in turn.

Wynonna wrinkled her nose at the castle. "It's awful," she said. "I'd rather go home."

And so they did.