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The Relationship Hierarchy Strikes Again
Apr. 20th, 2016 09:59 amI was reading an interesting fanfic last night and it was hitting some of my kinks and favourite tropes. Then: bam. Relationship hierarchy.
The victim can only be cured by someone who truly loves them.
Woman? Yes, as per canon. Man? Yes, as per subtext (and canonically gay as of final episode, loving a different character).
But another character says they love the victim but can't help because what they feel is "platonic love".
So the victim can only be saved by someone who wants to screw them.
This again?
The love you have for a friend? The love between a parent and child? Between siblings? Between any person in your life that you're not screwing? This isn't "true love". This love is lesser than love for the person you are sexually interested in.
And it seems obvious to me that they do mean sex, because it's rare, even in fanfic, to distinguish between romantic love and sexual attraction.
It's hurtful to me as an asexual that this idea persists, that sex is somehow the be all and end all of a relationship.
It's damaging to society to make sex the only marker of affection, to have hierarchies like this.
I'm still debating about only leaving kudos or if I leave a comment because it made it hard to finish a story I was enjoying until that point. The instructions given for the cure in the fic were "someone who truly loves them" and there was no mention of sex/romance, but of course that's what it meant.
If the fic had specified "loves and desires them" rather than "truly loves them" I would have been all right with that. If a spell needs desire to be present, that is not the same as saying desire is more important (more "true") than other forms of love.
pointlessly crossposted to Tumblr
The victim can only be cured by someone who truly loves them.
Woman? Yes, as per canon. Man? Yes, as per subtext (and canonically gay as of final episode, loving a different character).
But another character says they love the victim but can't help because what they feel is "platonic love".
So the victim can only be saved by someone who wants to screw them.
This again?
The love you have for a friend? The love between a parent and child? Between siblings? Between any person in your life that you're not screwing? This isn't "true love". This love is lesser than love for the person you are sexually interested in.
And it seems obvious to me that they do mean sex, because it's rare, even in fanfic, to distinguish between romantic love and sexual attraction.
It's hurtful to me as an asexual that this idea persists, that sex is somehow the be all and end all of a relationship.
It's damaging to society to make sex the only marker of affection, to have hierarchies like this.
I'm still debating about only leaving kudos or if I leave a comment because it made it hard to finish a story I was enjoying until that point. The instructions given for the cure in the fic were "someone who truly loves them" and there was no mention of sex/romance, but of course that's what it meant.
If the fic had specified "loves and desires them" rather than "truly loves them" I would have been all right with that. If a spell needs desire to be present, that is not the same as saying desire is more important (more "true") than other forms of love.
pointlessly crossposted to Tumblr
